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Football 500 News

My Programmer added an upgrade midseason this year! Check out the Standings Menu and the New and Improved sortable tables, lots of good information. Thanks Norm!

Football 500 Chat

  • Top Matchups Week 14

    Top of the Morning DICKWADS!! 

    It's time for the best college matchups for Week 14

    1) Washington vs. Colorado

    2) Wisconsin vs. Penn St.

    3) Clemson vs. Virginia Tech

    4) Alabama vs. Florida

    5) San Diego St. vs Wyoming

    Remember two years ago around this time when TCU was ranked 3rd in the second-to-last College Football Playoff Poll. TCU won its final regular season game 55-3 over Iowa St. How did the playoff committee reward TCU in the Final Playoff Poll?  TCU finished ranked 6th!!!  Not a lot of love for DONKEY BALLS!!  That was hilarious!  I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED!!!

    Now PENCIL DICKS, we move on to the top NFL matchups

    1) Chiefs @ Falcons

    2) Cowboys @ Vikings

    3) Giants @ Steelers

    4) Bills @ Raiders

    5) Lions @ Saints


  • Top Matchups Week 13

    Hello CHUMPSTAINS!  KGB in the HOUSE!!

    Top 5 College Matchups:

    1) Michigan @ Ohio St.

    2) Washington @ Washington St.

    3) Utah @ Colorado

    4) Auburn @ Alabama

    5) Florida @ Florida St.

    Can you believe the geniuses over at the BIG 12 SUCKS DONKEY BALLS have decided to reinstate their conference tournament for 2017. They will play the game (I use the word game lightly here!) at Jerry World. This of course means that Dallas will be DONKEY BALLS CENTRAL!! You couldn't pay me enough to watch that ABORTION. I would rather watch Yentl TWICE!  They should have the winner of the DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 play the winner of the MAC in a bowl game in FARGO!

    Top 5 NFL Matchups:

    1) Redskins @ Cowboys

    2) Chiefs @ Broncos

    3) Vikings @ Lions

    4) Packers @ Eagles

    5) Panthers @ Raiders

    Have a Great Thanksgiving DICKWADS!!

  • Standings Menu

    Props to Norm!!!

    • southern miss

      north texas won!!! somebody listed it wrong


      • Re: southern miss

        Sorry this has been corrected 

      • Re: southern miss

        Sorry this has been corrected 

      • Re: southern miss

        Sorry this has been corrected 

      • Re: southern miss

        it says that i lost.. but i should have won

  • Top 5 Matchups

    Happy Friday SHITPACKERS!!  It's Teddy KGB time!

    Here's Teddy's Top 5 College Matchups for the week:

    1) Washington St. @ Colorado

    2) Florida @ LSU

    3) USC @ UCLA

    4) Stanford @ California

    5) San Diego St. @ Wyoming

    Any CHUMPSTAINS out there wondering why Oklahoma vs W. Virginia didn't make it?!  IIIIII DOOOOON'T THINK SOOOOO!!  TEDDY doesn't do DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 (MAC SOUTH)!

    Now on to NFL:

    1) Eagles @ Seahawks

    2) Ravens @ Cowboys

    3) Texans @ Raiders

    4) Cardinals @ Vikings

    5) Packers @ Redskins

    Have a great weekend CORNHOLES!!

  • Teddy's Korner

    What's up ASSMUNCHERS!! It's time for another edition of Teddy's Korner!!

    I was talking to my BFF Vladmir Putin last night and he told me that the only thing that he hates more than Chechnya is the DONKEY BALLS BIG 12!!

    He presented a rather compelling argument that ALL DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 games should be played in Siberia using 3 minute halves!  The OVER/UNDER would still be 60 he joked!!!  He has a great sense of humor! He even chimed in that the DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 was currently 5-32 against ranked teams! If he wasn't running the most BADASS country on Earth, he said that he would like to be a football scout for his favorite team, THE DALLAS COWBOYS! He then concluded that after the season was over, all Donkey Balls Big 12 players would finish their winter in a GULAG of their choosing!

    Our next topic was who should be the MVP of the NFL if the season ended today.  We came up with 5 worthy players.  In no particular order they are:

    1) Matt Ryan

    2) Derek Carr

    3) Tom Brady

    4) Ezekiel Elliott

    5) Dak Prescott

    I told him that my vote was for Dak Prescott. Putin disagreed with me!!!!!!  Anyway, his vote was for Ezekiel "Zeke" Elliott! He went on to add "THAT LITTLE EWOK CAN REALLY BALL!" He was adamant that ZEKE should be offered a prominent role in the upcoming STAR WARS EPISODE VIII!!

    I hope you DICKWADS enjoyed hearing from Putin as much I did!!  PUTIN ROCKS!! 

    • Re: Teddy's Korner

      Who has a better 40 time, Boris Yeltsin or any Big 12 cornerback?

      • Re: Teddy's Korner

        That's a great question OsteopoRomo!! You have obviously done your homework!! 

        I would have to go with Yeltsin. In fact, I would take Yeltsin if he had a bottle of Stoli in each hand!

        A DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 Corner has the speed and grace of a Wholly Mammoth with a tree trunk shoved up his ass!

  • Big 12

    What's up CHUMPSTAINS!  It's your favorite BADASS, Teddy KGB!

    I am beginning a new segment where I share my insightful yet somewhat random thoughts.

    Going to call it Teddy's Korner!! It will be like Karl Marx does football!!

    Here we go!

    Calling the DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 a POWER conference is akin to calling Whoopi Goldberg a smoking hot BIZNATCH!!

    The BIG 12 is the biggest piece of DONKEY SHIT known to man!!

    Any of you retarded MOFOS disagree?  Remember to SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH when you're talking to me!



  • Top College Matchups Week 11

    What's up CHUMPSTAINS!

    Teddy KGB in the House!!

    Here's the Top College Matchups for Week 11

    1) USC @ Washington

    2) LSU @ Arkansas

    3) Auburn @ Georgia

    4) S. Carolina @ Florida

    5) Michigan @ Iowa

    As always NO DONKEY BALLS BIG 12 matchup made the cut!

    The BIG 12 or should I say MAC SOUTH is about as useful as a knitted condom in a Russian whorehouse!

    Later Dickwads!!


  • Teddy's Week 9 Top NFL Matchups

    Happy Friday Pillow Biters!!

    Here's Teddy's Top 5 NFL Matchups for Week 9

    1) Broncos @ Raiders

    2) Eagles @ Giants

    3) Steelers @ Ravens

    4) Bills @ Seahawks

    5) Lions @ Vikings

    If you happen to disagree with me, remember to SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME!

    Dasvidaniya Biznatches!!

  • Week Ten Top College Matchups

    How's it going Chumpstains?! Are you Assclowns having a good Thursday?

    Here's Teddy KGB's Top College Matchups for Week 10:

    1) Alabama @ LSU

    2) Nebraska @ Ohio St.

    3) Florida @ Arkansas

    4) Wisconsin @ Northwestern

    5) Iowa @ Penn St.

    Do you dickwads recognize a theme?! Its quite simple, the SEC followed by the Big Ten are strong like RED ARMY! I will admit, ACC is not bad, top heavy, kind of like RED ARMY soldier after 1/5 of Stoli! The DONKEY BALLS Big 12 is like Poland or France in battle, take your pick!!


    I am sure most of you Meatheads are used to my Top 5 games of the week, but I want to take a moment and give a special Commie Shoutout to CASH IS KING!  This savant won $2,430 on the moneyline by taking South Carolina to beat Tennessee! He must have strong Russian Blood like me!! Don't let his shitty overall score fool you!

    $150 Pool Top 10

    1 Lone Wolf (5,900.00)2 JohnAnthony (5,109.15)3 Maximus (4,738.72)4 Teddy KGB (4,702.60)5 Medicine Man (4,690.52)6 RomoSexual (2,581.99)7 osteopoRomo (2,160.19)8 Atomic Finebaum (2,033.98)9 Drunkzilla (1,881.55)10 Burtwenl (1,752.61)

    $40 Pool Top 10

    1 Stella (15,549.05)2 ElDuderino (11,769.43)3 CoolRod (10,744.53)4 DANIEL1 (10,416.81)5 Toreros (7,405.47)6 N8C (5,768.57)7 Beaver Nation (4,898.46)8 gmarams (3,853.31)9 T-Bone (1,954.15)10 mcLovin (1,832.04)